Journey to the past...

Since getting my Bipolar diagnosis, I have been thinking back to my childhood, trying to see where this may have come on and when I could have gotten help, had anyone noticed or cared.

I remember feeling very depressed in 5th grade...to the point of putting my head on my desk pretending to sleep the day away.

I remember in 7th grade, becoming a "night owl" and being up all night then going to school. That was also when I had my first suicide attempt, which my family said I lied about.

I was the school freak. The last day of 8th grade, I chased down the 3 boys in class trying to give hickeys...and I did. I was so proud...what a stupid thing.

From the time I hit puberty, I was hypersexual...doing things like that stupid hickey deal, or wanting to make out. I did a lot of things I am majorly ashamed of.

I would stay up all night and re-arrange my bedroom. I still re-arrange a lot.

I just up and leave...a lot. I can count at least 6 times that I just up and went off to do whatever. I still want to at times, oh the compulsion is strong.

I have gone in to angry rages, lost months of memory from mixed states, even left the father of my oldest when I was pregnant because of a hypo/angry state.

WHY? Why did NO ONE ever see this? Why did no one ever help me. Why did I have to wait 35 years to be helped?

Welcome to the medication merry go round

Well, here goes nothing. I went to the Pdoc today and was given Lithium to take 3 times a day.

In the 2 months since my diagnosis, I have been on 4 different meds now. Yes 4. Seroquil, Abilify, Buspar and now Lithium.

My Seroquil journey didn't last long...3 days. It landed me in the ER with all sorts of problems. Pain, irregular heart rate, high blood pressure. It was bad. So they gave me Abilify, 2 days worth and a prescription for a $600 med I couldn't purchace.

So, Abilify was a 2 day trip. LOL

A few weeks ago, My GP gave me a script for Buspar to help my anxiety. Really didn't do anything but I continued to take it.

Today, the Pdoc told me I could stop the Buspar and just go with Lithium for now. He will give me a second med in 2 months when I go back.

The Pdoc seems nice enough. Poor guy, though, I could barely understand him! His accent is so thick.

I am in a good mood today. I have been goofy and bouncy. Guess I am on an upswing. Hell, after my sleepfest yesterday, I need this!

So, my friends, I bid you a good day.
I, alas, have no more to say.
But I wouldn't believe this,
'cause I have yet to seal it with a kiss!

LMAO

Just a quick note to introduce myself. My name is Stephanie and I have had Bipolar since I was a teen. The thing of it is, though, I was never diagnosed until a month or so ago.

I wish it had been found years ago. Man, that would have saved me so much pain and sorrow. But that was then. All I can do now is examine the mistakes this illness has caused me to make and the pain I have caused and learn how to control my impulses. I WILL get and take my needed medication as directed. I WILL attend therapy. I WILL do what ever it takes to become stable again.

All I want is to feel a bit of joy and a passion for life again, without going overboard.