Since getting my Bipolar diagnosis, I have been thinking back to my childhood, trying to see where this may have come on and when I could have gotten help, had anyone noticed or cared.
I remember feeling very depressed in 5th grade...to the point of putting my head on my desk pretending to sleep the day away.
I remember in 7th grade, becoming a "night owl" and being up all night then going to school. That was also when I had my first suicide attempt, which my family said I lied about.
I was the school freak. The last day of 8th grade, I chased down the 3 boys in class trying to give hickeys...and I did. I was so proud...what a stupid thing.
From the time I hit puberty, I was hypersexual...doing things like that stupid hickey deal, or wanting to make out. I did a lot of things I am majorly ashamed of.
I would stay up all night and re-arrange my bedroom. I still re-arrange a lot.
I just up and leave...a lot. I can count at least 6 times that I just up and went off to do whatever. I still want to at times, oh the compulsion is strong.
I have gone in to angry rages, lost months of memory from mixed states, even left the father of my oldest when I was pregnant because of a hypo/angry state.
WHY? Why did NO ONE ever see this? Why did no one ever help me. Why did I have to wait 35 years to be helped?
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